to have, to hold, to be

to toil, to climb, to resist

to frustrate, to find exuberance, to fall

to learn, to withdraw, to bleed

to overcome, to be deceived, to tempt

to hail, to sputter nonsense, to be foolish

to be learned, to be skilled, to flourish

to weep, to cry, to suffer

to hold, to hug, to feel warmth

to be rich, be poor, to forget

and only hold exuberance and highs,

richness without the opposite,

where depths become the valleys, troughs, gulleys

like dismal, sunsets, falling skies

piercing illusions that mirror paradise, utopia, heaven

piercing a cornerstone, a pivot, a fulcrum

piercing a fortress, a castle, an ivory tower

piercing skin, a smooth composure, a white lie

piercing memory

and it is a home run, a continuation, a not happy ending

towards fractures, broken pieces, a shell

whose brilliance is like a false star hanging on

heaven’s gate.

except the gate too got pierced, reality is in question

when fake belongs, is accepted, is craved for, worshipped

because it feels good, is logical, is rational

to the i who says i no longer taste, i no longer hunger,

i no longer weep. no gluttony, no sorrow.

to the i who says i’ve arrived, i’ve found, i’ve been found

and fake looked like the genuine, the whole, the sky

still intact.

belief makes it real, truth, solid

belief makes the piercing dull, lulled, fades away

belief shapes reality, illusions, roads, paths

remembered, a silver lining, a night light

a fog, smoke, fire burns for who?

the self wearing a crown, sharing a crown

or hailing the crown?

does it matter? not?

feel good, pleasure, hits the mind

still making paths, ideas, notions

fake wins again and again

when gods are despised, lows are rejected,

who wants a god?

to be told what to do, to have faith

means not questioning but i lingers.

seduces, traps, conniving i

twisting heaven’s gate till it finally looked

like the pearly gates.

and the low, the valleys, the climb

shone but i see not, hear not, feel not

when fake sees, hears, feels

with dopamine, with laughter, with tears of joy

then it became silent, the sky, the many broken pieces

like raindrops reflecting each decision as the clouds

wept. so many choices, paths carved

when heaven chides, sing songs, praises

to fakeness strong, a reflection, a contrast

real. heaven suffers, weeps, goes to the trough

for heaven loves, heaven loved, heaven moves through

the highs, the lows, the cries, the exclamations.

heaven burns, heaven shouts, heaven moves

through the rivers, the sea, the wind even when

no one else does.

maybe that is why a part of us always calls out,

reaches for … … this

priceless pearl. and that part is not fake.