it was loss that taught me
to treasure,

it was shame that taught me
to walk with dignity,

it was a punch below the belt
that showed me warfare,

it was 1000 miles walking through
the desert that shaped me,

it was climbing up a mountain
that gave me strength,

it was burning the midnight oil
which gave me an edge,

it was going further, delving more deeply
that gave me insight,

it was taking rest, recuperating
the body that allowed me to heal,

it was running with fire that gave
me hope,

though loss took many years away,
though shame caused my soul to tremble,
though a punch gave me anxiety,
though the desert left me frail,
though the climb up gave many accidents,
though the midnight oil still brings back nightmares,
though going further led me to existentialism,
though rest is never enough,
though running with fire burns,

they’ve all left a scar, many scars:

and all these i did –
because there was something unfilled,
because i was a work in progress,
because i felt very much to be near last in the race.

sure i envied the lazy ones who were already filled,
sure i saw how nice it must be to fold the arms and still be full,
sure i could see all the upside to not ever having to lift a finger,
sure i heard the rumors – they’ve reached the goal already.

and it was painful to hear that the scales were always tilted,
sure it was horrid to know that no matter how much i tried –
i would never be a phoenix, a dragon, a magician, a wizard!
i could only grind my teeth and work with what i had – not enough.

i have seen the light of day, the darkness of night,
the fluent man telling a lie,
the humble person rushing towards a building falling down,
the well dressed captain who simply had to many skeletons,
the artist who whispered wisdom to the wind,
the agnostic who actually knew god,
the believer that talked to the devil daily but called him by a different name,
the scoundrel who made a living off other people’s fortune,
I’ve poked a ghost i thought was simply a figment of my imagination,
I’ve held joy when darkness hammered into me,
I’ve been empty though a Christmas carol was sung very well,
I’ve had my days, my afternoons, my evenings, my nights … …

and i lived, i bled, i laughed, i cried, i wept, i rejoiced, i despaired, i hoped,
and i know where the crooks lie, where the saints are buried, what the tell tale signs are,
I’ve come across each path, each nook, each crevice, each river,
and i can name most of the roads, know many of the signpost that have incorrect labels, and where to
find water that refreshes the soul.