because i was getting tired you see, the last

uphill climb had quite drained me –

left me feeling blue, pink, red, black, a tinge

of green. the green really got to me. fainting spells

and a whoosh in my stomach: a doubled over

then saw a hand offering to pull me out of that pit.

just sign here. i glanced through the verbiage, none sounded

too threatening, more along the lines of reinterpretation,

transformation, alleging my faith to something of higher power,

the seal looked genuine enough. so i bit. it was a soft bite,

i was you see quite tentative, having heard all the nasty rumors

about strangers and all that – truth be told, i kind of knew who he was,

that outfit did not suit him at all. then things began to look better,

they really did, for a while that is; my initial problems were resolved,

no more green sea swirling in my mind, my heart had begun to glow

the right color. no longer red. i must be getting better, or so i thought.

till the reinterpretation got stuck in my gullet, i began to breathe heavily,

with stars circling around my head, i now saw gray turn to a swordfish

whose tail whipped about like a scorpion’s tail. a balloon puffed out

of that fish engulfing me. found there was something worse than wrong colors.

it was like another part of me i never knew existed: being extinguished,

and then i became fully aware of what held me when colors swam

like oceans in my rigid stony block headed world; of an image hot like fire,

torn between a reckless move and a swift foe. unnerving indeed! then

a sword cut my soul in half – pieces of me got devoured by a greedy fish

whose poison still raced about my arteries trying to stop bringing about

bad news to all my organs. failing miserably. organs i had taken for granted

began to grunt and heave in protest; i’ll take green anytime. found myself

on all fours in a world whose principalities i could fathom not. and the wise

men they shook their heads. help – help – i cried out to the angry churning sea

swallowing me whole. red, blue, black, pink and green all ran their course,

like rivers towards this big burning flame of chaos; till the colors dissipated.

it was what i thought i wanted. it was not what i wanted. for now that the colors

had grayed out – i found myself to be angry when hurt was done, unable to be

sad when a broken reed got punctured, unable to feel guilt when lines were crossed,

unable to be despondent when the alarms rang, unable to be be sick when the world

was amok. i had traded being human for a false paradise. it was in the prints i signed.

i just glossed right through it – after all sweet is sweet right? wrong.

the reinterpretation, the belief, the transformation: i had a heartbeat. i could feel not.

i had a smile. i did not comprehend happiness. i performed the motions of polite society,

i was most definitely not polite. just another puppet made with the devil pulling my strings.

of god – he is tugging at them again, i’ve got to make another visit to his excellency.

i’m not sure what he wants this time, my rituals are fixed, they are deterministic, my actions

are perfunctory, i couldn’t care less. and still i must obey. obey to the call of this stranger

whose whim has become my law. help – help – to the first and the last, i was just catching

a glimpse of what it was like to be sandwiched in between, having only the tiniest of understanding

as to the actual workings of who i am. the great i am must have heard because

i woke up you see. and vomited out that awful hideous green swirling mass of absinthe.