contradicts, wrestles, argues back

dictates, strongarms, regrets,

becomes moody, hurtful, silence,

then happiness, maybe not a silver lining

echoes of yesterday, today repeats

like a circle, loop, endless –

so very monotone, boredom, banal

ironic, turn a 180, 360, come back to

the same direction: with water rushing in the

head, slushing, wings unable to flap

a spirit drags along on a ride, trying to break free,

unable to flesh is strong than –

endless life peering from a pinhole

all so very topsy turvy

like vertigo, flailing about, sinking into

deeper, denser, layered realities

each arm suffocates, hands pinning down

legs trying to kick up, resurface, feels irate

a nostalgia passing a next amusement comes up

no, not this again. and again. and again

shine, a torch, a fire for all to see

how dark inside, how dismal, forlorn

while merriment paints the face, for show

it is always this white washing –

i’m better than you

breaks in moment of clarity, comes make up

air enters the pinhole, significant?

loops, cycles, repeats

the shell littered with memories,

memories within a lot harder to pry apart

when life peers out through only one end.

ride along, thrashing about, pulled

as the driver’s seat is firmly held on –

engines spittle, tries to gain back control,

raspy noise, throttles, zig zags in a straight road

and one life –

comprehends colors, spits, hues, emotions

laid out tidily on skin.

filters through, slowly, morphs

one life mutates, changes, becomes

the choices of many crossroads, gray fogs

smoke: made.