i tire, i mumble, i grope the rails

dropping – find it is a steep fall,

grip harder, slide.

hit myself on the head, a gentle bump

when fear magnified a height like a bunny hill

soft moistened mud slapped unto me

and i struggled to pull myself up

for anxiety stirred within. this is it.

found my knees go numb, lips dry, eyes wet

from nightmares unwilling to let go of an eager prey

who sought certainty,

a rumble in my tummy, an ache to my forehead,

i held my fist tight to ward off the impending

doom,

surely to come – i waited, held my breath,

breathed using my stomach, like what my yoga

teacher told me to do when under pressure,

imagine the most beautiful memory!

and still i doubted, i feigned interest in a climb

up, worms seems to gnaw inside, as for the exterior,

the sun was too bright, tried to close my eyes

to shut out that obscene light, to no avail,

then the grating noise of a railing falling to pieces,

rusted out, weakened, softened by harsh weather,

i slipped a little more into warm placid earth,

refusing to accept me – but i was adamant, i fought like

a lion, roared angrily in a bunny hill so sure of my fate.

memories dimmed, twisted, elongated, became small,

grew tall, transformed to something hideous,

i tried to shut my eyelids tighter, my fist clenched so very

hard that i began to shake, to quiver, to fret

that this must be the end. then i heard a voice,

a nudge, a poke on my arm still apparently able to feel.

a rabbit pushing unto me, get out of my hill,

it seemed to say,

such clear eyes! such soft fur! such tender love!

then i looked to my demons and found them drinking

the life out of me, years flashed by, years wasted

on ??? i could not grasp why i held meaning to

junk when a brazen rabbit tore apart those illusions.

a prodding, a hint that i was where i should not be,

opened my eyes wide, forgot my breathing technique,

watched the world go by – without demons.

and it was like a first breath, a realization dawned on me,

i was still lying in mud soaked land, still seeing pieces

of railings become debris, no longer dismal.

i played in the mud, i build up a new bunny hill with

fallen pieces of corroded iron, i gently poked, nudged

a rabbit still burrowing about with her back towards me,

face deep inside a hole.

hey friend, i said – no more exits, no more tunneling,

i love you too.

then the rabbit retracted her body from the hole,

came out, stared me in the eyes,

and in her eyes, i saw the universe, i saw the creation of time,

i saw flowers bloom, wilt, decay, live again.

that’s some memory you have there,

a rabbit lives, a rabbit dies, a rabbit watches,

nothing is what it is

… … the earth breathes, the earth rumbles, the sun

turns dark,

demons they came back, they surrounded, they gathered,

missed us?

found myself reaching out, longing, yearning

for that steadfast companion.

but she did not appear, i felt alone, vulnerable,

skeletal hands began to grasp my heart – feed us,

felt faintish, weak, confused,

then i pounced, i jumped like a rabbit,

hop, hop, hop,

onto each ghost, each ghoul, each zombie,

my eyes burned like the sun,

my breath was heat like a volcano,

take that, take this, eat this,

and walloped my lies with cudgels,

with rackets, with baseball bats, with all i had.

the earth pulsed, the rumbles became gentle, almost

soothing – i burrowed my head into a hole,

found more tunnels, more exits,

then fell from high unto a bunny hill, laughing.