i beg your pardon?

the old man knocked himself in the ear,

must be getting senile!

and still the probes came about,

his mind firing off memories after memories

of events – no longer dead.

never have been really, always a part of him,

all those choices made.

even owning up to mistakes, getting past them,

or is he still bound?

synapses fire on like a gun battle in a desert storm,

there is no refuge to take

when the future is already pre-determined.

trapped!

locked!

no way out!

he begins to breathe harder, raspy breaths

as reality gets superimposed on this current time.

crack, he does not crack,

he wheezes.

out of sheer superstition, knocks on wood,

that ain’t helping

when the first kick of a ball meant wonder,

when the first friendship brought tears,

when the first kiss came with butterflies,

when the first betrayal dug deep into the core,

when the first word formed gave delight,

when the second kick became a flatline,

when the second friendship a curiosity,

when the second kiss was equivalent to confidence,

when the second betrayal expected,

when the second word word rattled off without meaning.

but some influences hurtled towards a cliff,

down into the valley where only bones stare back.

but such influences have their own gravity,

it shuts off all danger warning, turns on adventure mode without consequences.

but such influences have no kill switch,

it hits suddenly, like cancer 4th stage or a widow maker come alive.

but such influences play on narratives and adults are no better than kids,

sucking up each myth without learning the lesson.

but such influences aren’t binary, they are nuanced, able to twist

and turn into every friendly face plastered on a thick paper wall.

the devil can be nice, can be friendly, can be sexy, can be attractive,

the devil can make you feel really good.

the bones they stare back, no light reaches this valley

and an old man walks under the influence.

catches his breath –

i’m not senile yet, he growls.

he did the unthinkable, slammed his door shut to the devil’s face

when just was better than under the influence.