sure wish it was different

when this is supposed to be an exception.

how the mind plays games!

seeing things not quite there,

pretending this is still grade school

when hair has turned white,

a man reflects, finds nothing

to hold on to – gasps, breathes deeply

only to find fire.

fire you never said was there,

blank space, in between the lines, the gray

or pretend a regime must last forever,

sure suited you.

exception, how the words reiterate, chasing

tails, round about

while i try to meditate, to make sense of chaos

of nonsense, it was all that.

you said to not deviate from what was right

right was defined by?

then the mountain crashed, the sea stopped

moving,

because it too has heard it all too often,

to no longer care

when skin deep no longer covers,

no longer covers bullets breaking skin

i wish it did not.

i could never say, never, never, never

dare,

shame, blasphemy, insurgent

labels –

did it matter?

sipped like wine, fallen soldiers

no longer caring

of heaven or hell

when this scale tips the balance.

a balance you maintained when it sure

suited you, not for me when time erodes all

even you – a god without a face.

faceless you can you still name yourself?

huh, what’s that … … for i can no longer hear

dying breaths

amidst the icy winter, snow falling on fire,

fire blinks, falls asleep

you never sleep, rage, disguised, changing faces

no longer works this time

like seasons, breathing warm air

only to come stronger the next time around,

i’ve heard your pitch.

hail, hail, hail

the god that failed even

if you never called yourself as such.

sublime, transform, condense,

into skin.

perfect, flawless,

just how i and you like to pretend

this to all be.

no games, no nothing,

just reality,

reality layered in one long skin of bliss

skin. it’s just skin.