feels utopian,

is not.

what’s real?

feelings are real,

thoughts stop.

so much negativity

said the limbic system – to the cerebral cortex,

arcane exerts: lifts herself from

a grave. not to be forgotten.

how could you? she chided.

abash, red faced, though

already the footsteps are tentative,

don’t want to go back,

to forgotten places, lost worlds

sunk. sank for a reason. reason painful.

can’t work out

details

convoluted, confusing,

tails or heads,

seems like i lose.

tentative forwards,

though feelings erode

whatever i have left

for blue skies like heaven,

only

to be gazed

from too far away. i want to touch,

deep blue serene,

get lost –

echoes

hear, hear. said the friend who came too near,

pulled back.

arcane depths reach

to capture a promise,

feeling left out, what’s for me?

me, sinking, sank.

all in the past now,

dragging my feet to touch

tentative shadows

afraid. bite. bark.

tear a flesh, hurts.

tear a soul.

what have i?

stooping, low, hunched back, a fevered

dream

a sky

out of reach

then i relapsed

into the shadows, scrambling

for earthly magic. calling.

i am a part of this am i not? earth magic, collecting

dust, bones:

not sky out there,

arcane bends over, echoes of something old, something

ancient

i can taste

a heart – smells like

hell, and heaven

and i am trapped

in flesh. tugging, pulled

either way,

earth roots me here, the here

and now – skies evaporate,

like smoke in the sun,

spirals, spirals, spiraling

i captured

heaven and hell

in this body.

encased, enclosed: caged

both whisper and shout,

when i get tugged, pulled

and often times it would seem, i do know,

one settles, makes peace with me,

the other – seeks to control, overpower, take over

one sky, one soul, one earth

i grew small, heaven grew large,

i grew large, hell grew small,

and i am always needing more, need not want

i took refuge, i took my feelings, my cognitive traps

into bed, my other self, facing me,

curled up, fetal like: and above, endless skies

watched, stood by,

limbic system, cerebral me, understood not

heaven’s gesture: arcane descended, arcane lowered, arcane bowed

and a fetal stretched. felt heaven real, saw heaven real, sighed.